Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Okay, blog attempt take 3

This is my third try at writing this post. My first was a lot of navel gazing. My second was an overkill attempt to make up for the navel gazing. Basically, I'll be honest, I'm feeling kinda crummy again. My anxiety has been up and now that I've exhausted that, I'm feeling blue again. I've been meaning to write something, but I don't want to write just for the sake of churning something out either. However writing when I'm feeling like this isn't easy because I don't want to scare folks away by being a female version of Eeyore, but it's hard for me to fake peppy all the time. I did find something though that somewhat ties into how I'm feeling.

At the Fodder Forum as I call it, there was a discussion a SAHM started. She was wondering how unfair it was that her husband who works out of the home, late hours and contributes little to her down time or family time, has signed up for gym classes. Well the discussion predictably devolved into a SAHM/WOHP debate until the moderators came in and launched virtual tear gas. As usual, extreme points on one end, extreme points on the other and some good common sense points in the middle. However I can say as a SAHM some of those extreme points did get my nose out of joint. It also got me thinking about this job and yes, I refer to it as a job. Much has been written on the topic, how hard, how thankless, how unrecognized it is, but honestly, it's not exactly making me feel better, and I suspect it's the same for a lot of SAHMs. We know it's honourable, it's thankless, it's isolating, it's unrecognized, so freaking what? I want someone to tell me it's going to be alright.

Anyhow, I'm going to tell anyone who's a SAHM and might be reading this what I want to hear and I'm hoping in sharing this, if you're feeling down about the job, this might perk you up a little.

Your kids will be potty trained! You won't be changing diapers forever.
There will be days when all the laundry is washed, folded and put away.
There will be days when you won't have to run to the grocery store.
There will be days when someone else takes care of the meals.
There will be days when all of these happen at the same time.
You won't be isolated.
You won't be ignored.
You won't eat alone.
You will be a priority.
People will learn that you are allowed to be happy that you're a SAHM, but also want something more for yourself.
People will learn that you are interesting.
Someone, people will look up to.
Someone, people will admire.
Someone, people will recognize as a person who knows more than where the homework or ketchup is.
You are beautiful.
You are special.
You will have your time in the spotlight.
At some point, you will get time to yourself, meaningful time, where you can work on meaningful things.
At some point you will be seen as valuable by others, even if you don't bring home a paycheque.
At some point you will be recognized as important.
At some point, someone will really reflect on what you do and all you have sacrificed and say thank you from that place.
Give yourself a hug, hold on, these crummy days are short and you will come out on the other end, a stronger, better woman.


Bluefunk said...

You're awesome. What an inspiring post. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

What a great post Joy! If you need someone to bring over dinner one night, let me know :)

Val said...

...and when all that happens, and you have all that you feel you're missing now, that's when you'll wish - often - that you were back right where you are now. When the house feels empty - when it's way too quiet. When you just wish you boys were little again so you can bandage their hurts, and kiss away their boo boos. Because there will be a time when you can't do that anymore - no matter how much they hurt. And you really miss these days - and you'll think back to these days and you'll then realize how wonderful these days really are. I promise. These ARE the very best years. I so wish I had known that at the time. I know it now - when it's too late. Don't let it be too late for you. Try to enjoy each and every day - each dirty diaper - each holler of "mom!" Love your blogs - love how honest you are with your feelings. And I do understand those feelings - but I also know the loneliness of no one left in the house. Try to enjoy. Oh - and by the way - someday you'll give yourself all the credit you deserve for putting your children ahead of anything/everybody else. Because your time for you will come - and there'll be lots of years for you to do the things you're craving to do. But now - you are making a great sacrifice for those babies. You can do nothing better in life. Try to enjoy. Time is precious and flys by so very fast. Please don't be anxious. You won't always be in this place. In the flash of an eye, life will change. And it really will be - in the flash of an eye. Smile....and give those precious boys a kiss and a hug - while you still can.

Joy said...

Thanks guys. I wanted to try for something that captured my blue mood, but also gave me hope and put me in a better frame of mind and maybe offering someone else in the same boat a virtual hug. ABFL you're always doing the cooking for the gals, I so owe you a meal some time!

Val, I hear what you're saying. I appreciate your point of view. I do try to treasure the moments knowing how short they are. Hanging out with Elainers has taught me how valuable time is since most of you are past this stage in life. I wish more of you blogged and more women with kids out of the home and/or with grandkids in general. In the digital age, hearing those voices on topics of family can be pretty hard.

Anonymous said...

When our kids get older we fondly remember those early days. It's enough to make a busy mom of young kids feel guilty(which is such a big motherhood emotion anyway) and really if the truth be told my youngest is 20 today and his sister is 23 months older and let me tell you I still remember just how on the edge I felt some days. It was hard, wonderful, but some days really hard.
It's great that you can be so real about what you feel. I think life would be a lot easier for many if we could just be more honest about the bad days, too.