Friday, November 26, 2010

I'm thinking its working

I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm feeling better, much better! I'm also going to say that I've been taking antidepressants. It's interesting because it's created a lot of discussion among friends who range from knowing every pill on the block to not knowing anything about it, to actively being antidepressant. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make, I was worried about the side effects, becoming dependent on them, using them as a crutch without addressing the real issues, being numb, but in the end me spinning out of control with my emotions, thoughts and feelings pointed me in that direction.

So I've been on them for roughly three weeks. The first week had little effect, I was on the minimum dose, so my doctor upped it. The next day after taking the dose I'm currently on, I was a zombie, just dead tired. I fell asleep on the couch in the middle of the day. The day after, I was awake, I was up, I was ready to go take the boys to the Science Centre. I OUTLASTED the boys at the Science Centre. They were pooped, I was kinda sad we didn't get to see the next round of exhibits. Anyhow, for the next little while I've experienced a surge in energy, a calm mood and my ability to process issues without it snowballing into a big thing.

The test was last night, when we had Parent teacher interviews. The guys were doing great, I expected as much (no bias lol). But we started discussing Mr. Ninja's school options once he completes his final year at this school, and my stomach went up into a knot thinking about our choices and what we might have to do to get what we wanted. My mind has been whirring off and on about the topic and I've need to talk it out with Dearest a couple of times to burn off that nervous energy. However the point is, I've been able to compartmentalize it. Sure I'm stressed about it, very, but everything else is A-okay. I'm not grouchy, I'm not weepy, I'm a little on edge, but have been working that out through baking with the boys, cleaning up the disaster area afterwards and I'm about to make a soup.

It is such a RELIEF to be able to be stressed about something and not have it snowball. I've been worried since feeling a bit better about some stress issue popping up and me going kaplooey. But so far, so good. I'm even returning to my belief that I have to have faith that things will turn out in the end, I'm not completely believing it, but it's a process. *G*

So, to do the meds or not to do the meds, that is the question. The answer is personal, no one can make it for you. For me, it was the feeling of spinning out of control and seeing the tension and fear on my family's faces, in addition to very scary thoughts entering my head that sent me to the doctor's office practically begging for a prescription. I guess my only thoughts about it are is if you feel out of control and nothing is working to get you back, you might want to consider talking to your doctor, if even just to get some referrals to therapy if you don't want to do the med route. I'm glad I went, I'm way happier, my family is relaxed again, I'm looking forward to Christmas and actually have energy to burn on it and I know I can handle stress again without it sending me into a crisis and that is a great feeling.


Anonymous said...

I'm so very glad for you! I've not talked about it much but...I took antidepressants for a time. I was 15-16 then. I have no doubt they are the reason I survived. Neither of us are Superwoman; we're human and sometimes need that help. I'm so very glad you got it. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you were able to get the help you needed!

Joy said...

Thank you. It's funny the amount of relief I feel these days. I've been handling things that have been causing me some stress, but I'm good, I can deal. I don't know how much worse I would have gotten, or who knows, maybe better in time, but right now, this is working for me and my family and I'm really grateful to have this option available to me. Holy run on sentence!

Bluefunk said...

Yay Joy! It's so good to hear you laugh with shear abandonment again.

I am all for doing what is right for you and your family

Joy said...

Thanks Kristina, it's been so good to be back and enjoying my family, friends and day to day