Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Mommy Groups and Me

When I was a new mother, I tried joining some mother's groups. However being in the suburbs and not driving and most being downtown, getting to them was hard. So I started one. I can still remember the first two moms I met and I'm still friends with them. I remember meeting all of my mom friends. It was usually awkward, weird, but we all had new mom status together and I lucked out largely with a bunch of non judgmental easy going woman, most of whom I'm still proud to call pals. We all discovered new things together, went through stages, compared milestones, worried about teething, went to baby shows and basically shared an awesome year together of firsts and learning. I felt sad when my mom friends went back to work, I'm the only SAHM. Anyhow, as the years progress, we're still learning. Teething and walking have given way to speech therapy, swim lessons and booster seats. But since most of my mom friends work, I decided to try joining another mother's group, since I'm a new mom again, mind you I have three under my belt, but I can be the super-relaxed mom who's BTDT, uber cool and always with sage advice.

Today I went to my first meetup at a restaurant for breakfast. Well, I was the most experienced. I was also the most bored. Most of the kids there were 2 and under, some moms on their second, but basically everyone still brand spanking new. I sat there listening to teething stories and sleeping techniques, breastfeeding and daycare worries. I realize how grumpy I sound, but having BTDT isn't the greatest thing afterall. I don't want to talk about the virtues of Camilia like it's a wonder drug. It was a wonder drug for me 5 years ago! I'm not getting sleep, but unlike the new moms who are fretting over it, I know that this too shall pass and maybe so sleep deprived I don't care. Talking about the virtues of Guardian Swim, no...I want to bitch about how the city makes it so friggin hard to register for preschool classes. Clearly I'm in a different head space. Clearly, I'm a grumpy bitch. Clearly my mom friends who've been at it for 5+ years need to stop working and keep me company. ;)

I also remember back to the time where I was carving out a new identity as a woman who's become a mother. I remember how hard it was trying to keep I Am Woman Joy, and have Sweet MamaJoy in the same space and it wasn't easy, because I didn't know who Sweet MamaJoy was, so I empathize with those women, they're still trying to find out. I'm just past that point and I know i'll continue growing as a mother and woman, but I'm definitely past the infancy stages, even though I have an infant.

I don't know if I'll go back to this group, they were a nice bunch of moms, but I now know why our group never kept moms with older kids, we were freaking boring to them! Hopefully they will all find great companionship in each other that will last despite the parting of ways once mat leaves are up and lives mixed with work take over. If they're lucky, they'll carve out some space for their friendships at least once a week as we have, and grow together as mothers, and as women. As for me, I couldn't get out of there fast enough and texted one of my mom friends to meet for a coffee during the week.

1 comment:

Bluefunk said...

Joy, you make me laugh. It's the same old adage, you can never go home again. :) Guess you can never be a new mom, especially the 3rd time around. :)