Well happy anniversary to me! What am I celebrating? Well, it's officially been over a year ago (I meant to write on Monday the official day, but the plague had other ideas) that my then husband told me it was splitzville between us. Now I'm not happy in an neener neener sort of way, but I am happy to have this milestone under me. It's been a hell of a year, but I've survived, or as a friend put it, "you did a lot more than just survive!" And looking back I have and I'm pretty happy. I'm sure I'll be happier in the days to come, along with aggrevated...I do have three kids after all, but I can kind of strut around thinking to myself, I've done natural childbirth, I live with three insane boys, I've taken on a TTC vehicle with my awesome van of doom and lived to tell the tale and I survived a divorce, bring it on!
When this first happened, one of my besties told me that in a year I won't recognize myself, I'll be a totally different person. Now being one of my besties, I didn't want to punch her in the face, but anyone who was telling me that life would be dramatically different in a year, I had that urge. I just didn't want to hear it, but I'm eating crow, lots of it. I never would have thought I would smile, love, laugh or enjoy life again. I wish I could tell any woman who is going through what I've been through to hold on, it will get better, but it seems so cliche and really, when you're reeling through such pain and confusion, its hard to see that silver lining. I think during the midst of the madness, to use the analogy of hills and valleys, I would count every time I genuinely smiled or felt a little bit stronger as climbing a hill. There would be a valley coming, but it wouldn't be as deep and I was a little bit more ready to climb out of it again as I had just practiced on the last one. Get enough of those under your belt, and you feel a bit more capable of handling what comes your way. I really should apply that to exercise in real life...anyhow!
In the meantime, being gentle with yourself is also a pretty good idea. Imagine you're also carrying a hell of a heavy pack up these hills and down valleys, empty all non essentials, rest when you need to, allow a friend to push you up some of the way. One of the hardest things for me to admit was that I needed help, whether it was with childcare, a shoulder to lean on, someone to fix something and lots of folks are like that, but if you have people who are there in your court, don't be a martyr. If you have a Capricorn telling you this, its really sound advice as we typically are of the variety of "I CAN DO EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME!!!"
Any other words of wisdom? Nothing profound, but you will get through this. You don't really have a choice to be honest. How you get through it is up to you. Personally, I like meeting things head on and getting the brutal part over as soon as possible. Looking back, I'd like to think that I've survived this year pretty well, however, again, none of it would be possible without all the love and support from my friends and family. I'm sure some people are sick of reading how much I love them...too bad, it's my blog! Don't worry, I don't plan on reading out a thank you list, we've already had the Oscars, I just know that I wouldn't be here and wouldn't be smiling if not for everyone who forced me to be kind to myself, offered help, held me, listened to one of my millions of rants and encouraged me every step of the way. If you're going through a divorce and you are lucky enough to have a great community of friends and family, perhaps my best advice would be to use them, they are there for you and you probably need them more now than ever.