There is an ongoing battle inside me, every minute of every day. To best understand it, it's probably easiest to visualize a bunch of teeny tiny little Joys each representing character traits all residing in my brain somewhere. It's a nice room, lots of velvet, sparkly things and martinis. And in it, all the little Joys are running about and it somewhat looks like the floor of some mega stock exchange.
Now some of these Joys have to be managed, like Irresponsible Joy who would just like to lay on the couch eating popcorn and watching HGTV til the cows come home. Or Speed Demon Joy who would like to go 160 on the 401 because she likes the sound the little red car makes when she accelerates. Others are often front and center when it comes to my morals and social views, like Left Wing Joy, or Feminist Joy...though Feminist Joy had to be locked in the cage when Vanity Joy won the vote and I got the tummy tuck. She was PISSED!
The biggest of those little Joys is Insecure, followed by Anxiety...don't worry, the other little Joys are staging a coup. They like to throw their weight around a lot. Not always, but when they decide to do so, the rest of the little Joys have a challenge on their hands. Anyhow, I'm fuddling about my morning, getting all antsy about whether I had inadvertently pissed someone off. There was no foundation in this fear, again Insecure Joy is running the show and she's pretty much Chicken Little. Normally what happens is that I get into an internal tizzy until something happens that brings me back down to Earth again and its systems normal. However this morning just as Insecure Joy was stomping around, another little Joy spoke. She's been quiet for some time...well, she took a hell of a beating over the past year and has been in recovery. It was Confident Joy. She said "Screw this! You've done nothing wrong and if this person is pissed off at you, so fucking be it. You're beautiful, witty, funny, kind and one hell of a mother, friend and partner, anyone should count themselves lucky to have you in their ranks!"
There was a silence in the room, all the other Joys were shocked, you could hear a pin drop. Insecure Joy for a moment was gobsmacked, she mustered "I thought you were dead!"
"Apparently not" responded Sarcastic Joy.
"Fucking A!" yelled Entitled Joy. "We demand better treatment, we deserve it, no more worrying about pissing people off for stupid reasons, you hear that Insecure?"
"We feel great! Lets go shopping!!!" someone let Irresponsible Joy out of her cage, but she made a good suggestion and was taken up on that a bit later.
"Lets go tell So and So how we feel about the way they're behaving towards us, Julia Sugarbaker style" That's Indignant Joy, she's been dying to do that...gotta indulge her in that some day.
"Lets blog! Blog! Blog! Blog!" Blogger Joy of course.
"NO! We're sticking with the plan, we're going to hand it over to Anxiety and end up worrying all day, hence ruining it for everyone." Insecure Joy asserts.
"No, we're not. We're going to pick up, get on with our day, have a good time, wear a smile and enjoy all the good karma that we've racked up in spades coming our way. We're great, we have great friends that love us and we are worthy of that" Confident Joy calmly states.
Everyone is silent again. And then like in some cliched 80's movie, all the other Joys move to the side of the room of Confident Joy and the vote is carried. A gabillion to 2.
Confident Joy took a minute to enjoy the moment, it was nice being back, she knows she can't maintain this for very long right now, but it put everyone on notice that she intends to come back full throttle. Optimistic Joy is grinning ear to ear and Hopeful Joy cannot wait for the day.
Oh and Worst Case Scenario Joy sincerely hopes that you don't take this story to mean that I'm crazy and have me locked away. She made me write that.