Monday, January 31, 2011

"It's My Life"

So I was listening to this Bon Jovi song  (It's my Life) on the radio driving home from school today, now I like Bon Jovi's music, I'm not a super crazed fan. I did go to their concert in Toronto and found it kinda boring. Kid Rock who was their opening act though was amazing, and I'm not a fan of his either. However this song this morning hit me and inspired this post. I'm super charged with energy so bear with me if it sounds like I've had three coffees before 7 am. I didn't! I just exercised first thing.

Anyhow, lately, I've been operating on the premise that me, my life, my plans, my goals are all uninspired, boring, that I haven't had any accomplishments for the past 5 years as a SAHM. I know a lot of my SAH Comrades feel the same way, we discuss it on our SAHM blogs, forums and secret creepy SAHM clubs with passwords and handshakes...well scratch the last part. We think that we have something to prove to people outside our home, people inside our home, loved ones, strangers, other moms, random people who pop by on your blog, however that, my friends, today is coming to an end!

Over the past 5 years I've had three children. THREE! My body is battered and bruised. My hormones have run amok. I'm sleep deprived, my diet has gone to pot and I have to snatch my personal care time away by either getting up super early, or letting the place go to Hell while I do so. My body despite going through serious upheavals in the past 5 years still manages to function somehow. No matter how sore, how broken, how tired I am, it gets me through the day. I've been now trying to repay the favour through proper diet an exercise and it's paying off. But think about it. Think about the toll pregnancy takes on a person. Your body no longer sees you as a priority, but the little one you are growing inside is numero uno! Your heart, lungs, liver, kidneys works overtime and then some. Your bladder is beaten, your ligaments are stretched to no end (even before labour!) your pelvis expands, your breasts engorge, you create food! Your body somehow manages to expel a huge solid mass out of a really small opening and you somehow manage to survive intact or not! And then your body has to return to normal after a year or three! So, for those who think myself or other SAHMs have let themselves go. Piss off! You try this! See how well you do and how well put together you look. When the 2 minutes it takes for me to put in some contact lenses vs glasses is considered a time luxury, the fact that I'm not running around in a loin cloth with my hair ratty and my teeth not brushed for weeks is a bloody miracle.

My accomplishments. Mister N, A Dude and Baby D. Now I'm not basing my entire life based on my kids, but they are my biggest accomplishments. They've been priority one, and they're happy, healthy, smart, sweet, affectionate, compassionate, well behaved and polite little boys. Sure they have their moments, but I'm mighty proud of them and you can ask any one of our friends how they'd rate them, and I'm pretty sure they'd say A-1! Somehow in managing to rear so far wonderful little beings, I've managed to read hundreds of books (no! Not just kid books!) over the past 5 years. I keep up on current events. I've cultivated my baking/cooking hobby. Kept and made solid friendships, participate at church, learned to drive, overseen renovations, done home improvements, moves, taken care of other family members, planted gardens, taken trips, been ships counsellor and have done a million other things like many other SAHMs. For those of you who think I haven't done much, well I'd like to say, try your hand at this. See if you can handle it without going stark raving mad, then we'll talk.

My future. I know it seems like my fire has gone. Sometimes I question it myself. I think "Where is that crazy woman who would think nothing at telling someone off, whether they be moron on the street or police chief? Where did that fire and drive go?" It's still fucking here! It might not be the intensity of that thermo nuclear blast it once was, I've learned to control it and direct it and store it, so I'm way more dangerous than I was before. I don't seem exciting? Well you just wait! I've got dreams, passions, ideas. I've got 2 more years before my youngest is in his pre-casa and God help those who've doubted me. I've been storing this shit up and it's ready to explode. My life will still have motherhood at the front and centre, but it will evolve and as I might have more snippets of time to myself, I will be focusing on my happiness as well as my family's.

SAHMs, this is my proposed manifesta for us. Queue trumpets and prepare for revolution!

Basically world, you need to know that I'm done trying to prove that I am a wonderful, vibrant, interesting person worthy of your respect I'm done seeking approval, I'm tired of feeling I am less than worthy. I'm funny, smart, sexy. I'd take the shirt off my back for a friend...Hell for a stranger! I have dreams, vision, my fire still burns. I'm consistently evolving and changing into a better person and bit by bit a strong person and you can either get on board, or get the Hell out of the way. I'm going to continue doing my job and continue doing a good job at it, but I'm going forth believing that it is worthy, that I am worthy, that I am making a serious contribution and it needs to be recognized, respected and loved, just as much as I do.

So what say you SAHMs? Revolution? Well, maybe not so much, we're too busy, but I do hope you can find something in you that assures you that you too are worthy of love and respect. That your job is important, you are interesting, you're gorgeous and sexy, even more so than before having kids (REALLY!!) and give you some strength to feel like going forward and carving out that love for yourself, so that you can be the best woman for yourself and the best woman for your loved ones too.

1 comment:

boycrazy said...

I am not a stay at home mom but can relate to your post on a different level. Since I have become a mother seem to be always apologizing for being a mother- "Sorry I can't go out the boys have swimming" or "I would love to work a 12 hour day but sadly I have to feed my kids and get them to bed". My new years resolution was to not apologize any more for being a mom and trying to take care of my family:)

Love your post- thought provoking as always:)