I have had a week from hell. I've been in tears more times than I can count, felt overwhelmed times eleventy and have said FML at least a couple dozen times.
I intended to have a good week. I had my chores all mapped, getting ready for hosting a large Thanksgiving dinner for friends and family, further getting the place ready for Mr. Ninja's birthday party at the end of the month. I was even starting to find a groove where I was finally able to interact properly with my guys helping them do activities after school instead of running around like a monkey on speed trying to get dinner ready...AND I almost had my laundry done.
That is, until some creep decided to back into my van at Mach 5 in my driveway and take off after ripping off the rear corner and then some of my 3 month old van. Long story short, I spent the rest of the week dealing with police, security companies, insurance companies, inlaws for babysitting, collision centres and car rental companies. I have been in Toys R Us for carseats about 6 times this week. It's been an insane logistical nightmare. My kids who seemed to be adjusting beautifully to life with three went cookoo bananas and my husband who was stuck using transit got more teary phone calls than one should receive from a wife who is coping sanely. I hate my rental car, it's a lurching piece of crap, I've spent all day today cooking and still have more to do in order to be reasonably ready for tomorrow. The house looks like it's exploded and I desperately need a second refrigerator and am about to take hostages to get it.
I've spent a great deal of time this week hoping the creeps who have made my life hell end up with horrible ailments, that they were suffering everything from whiplash to hemorhoids. I truly wished ill on them and meant it with every fibre of my being, I didn't care. They had inconvenienced me to no end, and even today, I had to keep my irritability well in check as I wanted to pike my family for not pulling their weight in house preparations for Thanksgiving. This was turning out to be the shittiest Thanksgiving ever!
I've continued on this grumpy streak well into tonight, but I started thinking of the events of today. At about 2am this morning, a 15 year old boy was gunned down in an elevator in my old community. My mother, heck, my entire downtown family knows the mother and this boy. He was involved in crazy business and sadly, the danger is huge when you're involved in that sort of thing. Tonight, a 15 year old boy is dead. His mother was at the hospital today deciding what to do with his remains. I took a second to think of the times I've lost a loved one and how empty and crushingly sad I've felt after the shock has worn off and I've cried every last tear. Then I thought about the worst nightmare of losing my children. No matter what hell they put you through, they are your soul and I thought of that mother and what sort of hell she must be living, and suddenly perspective gave me a much needed kick in the head.
I'm a very spiritual person and while I don't believe God is up there with the puppet strings controlling everyone and everything that happens to us, I do believe that those moments where you have a few minutes to think are God's opportunity for you to think about what you should be focusing on.
It's been a long week and I'll be working til the wee hours of the night, only to be stirred by Baby D some time around 2am. But I can hug my babies, they are small and safe and under my care. I can spend my time focused on their every move because I'm not scrambling, trying to put food on the table. I'm alive to bitch and moan about Lurch (my rental car) and I can afford to still have transportation when mine is taken out. I have family, a roof over my head, food in my belly and my loved ones with me. I won't feel that emptyness tonight, though my heart breaks for that family, for that mother. I can't remove that, nothing ever will, but I will keep perspective and will stop grousing about what I don't have, I will be thankful for what I do have, because more than a minivan, a smooth running week, a perfectly clean house or Martha Stewart dinner, what I have is precious.
RIP Sealand. May your family's wounds soon heal.