Well August was a brutal month. Not all of it, but the second half right into September, however two kids into school, the big guy loooooves it. I've loved our Montessori, but there is something very sweet about my guy having buddies that live right around the corner...freaking convenient too. Our local public school truly does have that community feeling, much like my public school, except with this time around, the parents are supervising their kids. Anyhow, that's a load of stress off my shoulders and now I've been working towards volunteering so I can give back and look all bright and shiny on my resume. I'm also working on being a little more selfish, in truly enjoying my time off without running around doing errands. Baby steps!
But that's not what this post is about. Today I hit a milestone. These are typically hard days, but this one sort of crept up on me. As of today, had things been different, I would have been with my ex 18 for a total of years. Wow. That is over half of my life. Ultimately, we're going to be a part of each others lives in different capacities til the day we die since we share children, but it's still an adjustment not being part of the day to day.
That said, I'm surprised that this day hasn't been rough for me...well it has seeing as I have the back to school plague courtesy of my darlings, but I haven't shed a tear, I haven't been terribly sad, reflective yes, but more objectively. Maybe it's the plague, maybe my head is too addled to really feel, in which case, I could make a mint just bottling this plague up and selling it to people who really don't want to feel crappy feelings for a week, the only side effect being that they get a dose of a whole other brand of crappy.
I ran into a mother at school who I haven't chatted with in a while, we got to talking and it turns out she is not with her little one's father either. I had suspected as I've seen them interact, and while it wasn't hostile, it had that same vibe it does with me and my ex, all business and a concerted effort to keep it all business. She told me that it happens for a reason and I replied "I truly do believe that, there is a bigger plan for me" and I actually believed it, I still do! Its a pretty good feeling.
For some reason, even though the mountain just jutted up 40 gabillion miles into the sky, the world seems to have a lot more potential. I seem to have a lot more potential. One of my besties remarked how I'm a different woman compared to a year ago and she's right, I've been through Hell, I'm still going through Hell, but the one thing I know now is that I can survive this Hell and that's a pretty freaking great feeling! Lets hope that carries me through five days into the future when I'm celebrating my former wedding anniversary by getting my first tattoo...Did I mention that I hate needles?