Friday, September 2, 2011

Are you my friend?

You might have heard me reference my friends in my posts...considering most of my readers are my friends, you are an amazing bunch of people. You've helped me during the worst crisis of my life, you continue to help, whether its providing an ear, an online chat session, rushing over for a coffee, or dragging me out of the house kicking and screaming. I cannot believe the amount of love and warmth you continue to share with me.

There have been some friends during this whole messy business who have been caught in the middle, they don't know what to do and I feel for them. We've had "couple friends" and they're kinda stuck in no mans land fearing to breathe for all the landmines of messy gooey emotion around them. Whenever asked, I've told them to please feel free being both our friends, and most have and for the most part, its business as usual. Although the women parts of these couples have been very generous in loaning out their guys for all the icky, gross or strong jobs I simply cannot do.

I'm taking this opportunity to brag, I've become fairly efficient at killing bugs and not freaking out. I actually came EYE to EYE with a moth at the gas station while pumping gas. I figured it would be in my best interest not to freak out and potentially blowing everyone in a 2km radius to kingdom come. That is an achievement!

Bug killing Joy is so great diatribe over, back to those friends. They have wandered through a really sticky mess and have come out the other end still committed to be friends to both of us in different ways and I feel blessed because of them. They didn't have the luxury of a cut and dried situation, they felt the shock and sadness and grief and they've had to deal with all of that on top of all the crap their own lives have thrown at them. They've had to do a tightrope line of support to both parties, it's pretty intense, I don't envy them, but they've shown their character and grace in spades.

All that said, I have lost some friends in the process. Some have just chosen to continue on the friendship with the other half, as they might have been closer to him. Some have been a bit two faced in running back and forth letting each of us know what the other had to say. Some have run off the deep end in gossip.

I can understand the decision to choose, sometimes the cards just have to lie where they fall and I don't bear anyone ill will because of it. I've had to amend my thinking and some practical issues because of it, but I guess there's bound to be casualties in all areas of life surrounding the break up of a marriage. It's just something I've come to accept. I'm actually a bit surprised about how easily I came to accept this, go fig.

The latter two categories of friends are former friends. Their actions can smart sometimes, but I'm generally more pissed about it, and not a defensive type anger stemming from hurt, but just a plain old "you're an asshole" type anger. Some have been reading this blog and have been turning it into gossip fodder, which of course works like a broken telephone, so if I say "the kids are great" it comes out the other end as "purplemonkeydishwasher". My advice...get a new hobby...purplemonkeydishwasher!

I think gossips of this sort, well they might be short term inflicting some wounds on the parties involved, but in the end, I think it will only hurt themselves. A friend once said something to the effect of "its a lot easier to heal from a hurt inflicted on you, than one you've inflicted on others" I'm paraphrasing, she's a lot more eloquent, but it's stuck with me, which is something because most days I barely remember my kids names. But they're wise words and if I'm firing on all cylinders, I try to remember it before acting.

Anyhow, enough negativity, I had to get those musings off my chest and to quote Forest Gump "that's all I have to say about that." Back to my good friends.

A lot of people when they've finally finalized a divorce and feel in a spot where they've turned the corner, they have a divorce party. I don't like that idea, I mean, it's the end of a marriage where presumably once two people loved each other. I don't like celebrating the end of love. So my perspective is, that once I've turned that same corner, I'm throwing a different kind of party. It's a friend appreciation party, because as one love ended, so many people have stepped up their love to fill in some of the gap. While it's impossible to fully do so, I feel that my friends have made my cup half full, so they better be prepared for one hell of a fiesta when I've conquered this hellish mountain of doom, which is uphill both ways and snowing on both sides, with volcanic eruptions, rabid rampaging moose and I'm butchering a pair of Jimmy Choos and my feet climbing it (just to put into perspective of what a challenge I face) but more importantly how much my friends have stepped in to make it easier.


Mom2Michael said...

We're here for you babe. You are definitely taking the high road and have a great attitude. I think the idea of a friend appreciation party is a great one. Because, well, I assume I am invited, and I love a good party :-) Will there be blender drinks??

Hang in there! Or lean on us. Either way. xoxo

Bluefunk said...

I think a friend appreciation party is a FABULOUS idea. You have to give yourself a pat on the back too. After all you've been going through you've been an amazing friend as well.