Alexes and Theories

I have a lot of theories. Some of them have a base in reality, like babies hate being put flat on their back even swaddled because they're all squished inside the womb and still like being squishy (on their backs just to be clear) to some extent, which has served me well in getting my kids to sleep fairly regularly from an early age (like 6-7 hours at 2-3 months). And yes, you may hate me for this, all the rest of my friends do. Some of my theories just based on crackpot emotion like everyone who drives a Sienna drives like an asshole. My apologies to Sienna drivers, the pissed off at Joy line starts behind some folks who don't have kids. And one just based on anecdotal evidence but hasn't served me wrong yet. This theory is my name theory.

Like I've never met a Laura who wasn't a strong, loyal true blue type of gal. I've always hated Rebeccas (which means there's got to be something wrong with them). Chris's and all it's forms (Christian, Christines) are all right by me. Although those weirdos who spell it with a K, I suspect are pretty evil deep within ;) I've never met a Lisa I didn't like, and strangely enough, all of the Lisa's I speak with regularly now are from out west, weird. They are all strong and determined folks too. I've also never met a Deb I didn't like and once you're "family" they'd give you the shirt off their back. Nicoles are funny and warm, Tims are funny but snarky...which is funny. Nancys are sticklers for detail. Katherines are a little offbeat but great. Julies never back down from a challenge.

On the homefront, my oldest is named after a lawyer, a very famous lawyer, who eventually won a Nobel Peace prize. However do you think my oldest has at all decided the peaceful route in life? Nope, he's an argumentative pintsized lawyer. My youngest, I only have two examples of his name, both we Anglican Ministers and very strong and happy advocates of peace, justice and forgiveness. God willing my youngest will follow that path, the happy peace justice and forgiveness part, he can be a minister if he wants too.

Now sometimes this theory can go off its rails here and there, but generally stays true to form. However one name I know that has always proved the same results is any name with an Alex in it. Now I might scare anyone who has named a child with an Alex, so you might want to stop reading. I was chatting with a friend tonight about names with Alex and between the two of us, between all the people who have a name (first, middle, last) with Alex in it, we could only come up with one example that is contrary to the experience. That experience is, people who have Alex in ANY part of their name are nuts. Now let me qualify this by saying that all the Alex names I know as adults are responsible, well adjusted and very admirable people I respect and like to be around. But growing up, they were terrors! And let me say this, this isn't some bias against people with Alex in their names as A Dude himself has an Alex, which makes me all the more qualified to say this. And said friend has a son with an Alex in his name.

Now example A. A Dude, he's a maniac! He spent a good six months biting his brother. He pretends he's a puppy, he will ram into us with his head as as much speed as a three year old can muster like a triceratops, he's generally good natured, but if he has a temper tantrum, anyone within a 3 mile radius will hear the scream...which sounds a lot like AC/DC on speed. He growls when he's angry and talks like Cookie Monster when he is hungry. He has no problems defending himself and took on a 6 year old this afternoon. However I will give it to him that the 6 year old had it coming and I was secretly hoping that my Alex would bite him.

Example B. My friend's Alex...shift around monkey behaviour, but you have something roughly like A Dude, but with a two year head start.

Example C. I went to school with a girl who had an Alex in her name. Every boy in school was terrified of her by the time we were in grade 5. Her favourite activity was running up to a boy, jumping around flailing like a frog on acid saying something like OOGA BOOGA! and kicking them in the nads. I have to admit, I might have laughed...I might be giggling now, but the guys sure didn't find that too funny.

Example D. A girl I used to know had an Alex in her name. She's a great person now, distinguished and very comfortable in life. However, not before taking off at 18 out west, not to university or anything, but for kicks much to the worry of her parents.

Example E. Dearest and the Godfather of our children both have brothers with Alex in their names. Dearest and Godfather used to have a competition about who's brother had the most insane, crazy, gross or dangerous (usually a bit of all of the above) job. Every mother's dream. Dearest was in the running to win, but then the Godfather's brother became a cop and when he sent us a picture of him in riot gear looking very scary and holding a ginormous gun during the Vancouver olympics, Dearest conceded. That said, both Alex gentlemen while doing some insane things in their life have matured into gentle giants who are quick to advocate for the little guy, or pooch.

Which I guess in the end isn't a bad thing. I mean I haven't known an Alex who wasn't a stand up person as an adult. All of them being very generous, dedicated and honourable people. I like them all, but growing up, I'm more than certain they have given their parents some grey hairs. Some still do. I swear to God if my A Dude becomes a cop, I'm going to need a valium hooked up to an IV. Although I fully suspect at this rate, he'll make a 5 star goon for an NHL team. So I'm looking forward to the man my A Dude will become, the man my friend's Alex is going to become. However in the meantime, I will be starting a fine wine cellar for those days when we as mothers get to compare what sort of madness our Alex's are up to.