I'm awake...really

Okay, so I'm 3 1/2 weeks in parenting three. I'm 5 years older than when I did this the first time, and I'm wondering if I'm starting to feel it. Going from two to three kids has definitely been harder than going from zero to one or one to two. Of the three, one to two was the easiest.

I'm back to having zombie conversations where people are talking and I'm on autopilot, nodding and trying to follow. I spent a whole wine night being really quiet and even taking a few moments for myself and baby just trying to wake up-it wasn't the company, just me! I'm trying desperately hard to stick to my diet plan, but when I'm tired, I eat. Badly. My body craves the sugar and I spent over an hour in traffic this morning chasing down a raspberry, white chocolate scone. I had to leave my city for that, it's a big freaking city, even if I'm in the north eastern area often likened with Siberia! And what is it with Toronto drivers and rain? Why do we lose our ability to drive? Oh. Right! First diatribe. Did I mention my attention span is nil?

Where is the proud woman who proclaimed that 2 to 3 should be fine? That I was used to sleep deprivation, so bring it on! Who needs personal time? I'm a mom dammit, personal time is for wimps! Well, one week in and I was craving personal time, sleep and my ability to kick ass at Scramble again. The truth is, Baby D isn't that bad a sleeper. Any first time parent would be proud of getting a baby to sleep from 10-2, 2-4, 4-7, approximately. But I'm hurting, because in addition to baby, I have two little noisy, busy, bouncy crazy guys who've been very patient with their growling mommy bear after school. I've barely been able to muster up the energy to serve them snack, do a puzzle, I felt proud of myself for playing a video game with them (Nihao Kailan) so nominate me for Mother of the Year!

Dearest and I have desperately been trying to find our groove. It took approximately this long when we added A-Dude to the family, and we only survived because we introduced Mr. N to Jurassic Park style animated dinosaur documentaries. But we're still floundering around and God help us if something in the house breaks, a child gets sick with something like a cold or one of the cars falters because we will fall to pieces like a house of cards.

So where is my perspective time? Well, my mother in law reminded me ever so carefully with a chair pointed at me and a whip in case I attack her like a lion their tamer, that I've survived this before. Much to both our surprises I didn't want to eat her, because it's been something I've desperately holding onto. "This too shall pass" God willing...please! PLEASE! God, make it pass! I promise I'll stop swearing in the car at other drivers. (Another nomination for Mother of the Year award) I did survive though, I survived the first time with little know how, no support group of moms and no confidence. I survived the second time with a much younger toddler and no car. This time I can do it! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. And once Baby D starts sleeping, things magically fall into place and things are humming along, I will be a much more coherant person, I promise and Dearest with have a date with a doctor with a sharp pair of scissors! (Another coping mechanism I use to get through the days. Muahahahahaaaaaaa)