Thursday, November 7, 2013

Why I'm glad I'm divorced

I had a moment today. I was sitting in my placement with my supervisor there and my college supervisor. They discussed key items about my placement and what I need to accomplish, then came the time my placement supervisor reviewed comments from the staff about my performance. I have been at this place two days a week since September. It's exhausting, dirty, and sometimes dangerous work. However its also challenging, dynamic and very fulfilling work as well. The reviews came in and they were glowing. My buttons were bursting as the old saying goes. 3, 4, 5 years ago, they would not have been because I was a different person.

2.5 years ago my husband left me. I had a 6 month old baby, two small children and just getting over some post partum depression. It was a huge shock and a deep blow. I had no clue how I'd survive, how my children would fare, how I'd ever trust someone with my heart or be happy again. I was pretty devastated, I didn't eat for a week, I dropped 10 pounds the first three weeks, 70 more that year. My family and my friends were very very worried about me. The first two months were more autopilot than anything, but slowly, I came out of the fog and started to rebuild.

As much as this was an accomplishment on my part, it would not have been possible without my friends and family. They pushed and prodded, they dragged me out of the house for silly nights, they supported and held me when I cried. They say the happiest people are grateful people, and for me, this is true. While I got to see a lot of negatives with people in this time, the love and generosity in people I experienced, changed my outlook forever and restored my faith.

Dragged out for a good time 2011

Move forward to today and I'm a different person than I was in my marriage. I'm outgoing, bubbly, positive, someone who will take risks and most importantly confident in a way I haven't been in a very long time. I feel like I've reconnected with the girl I was and am back on the path I was supposed to be on had I not gotten married.

I surrendered myself in the marriage, it ultimately might have contributed to its end, I can accept this. My confidence was my husband's, my decisions his, he was my saviour and his opinion of me meant worlds. I would never be the person who would travel to Cuba with just a couple of girlfriends or drive across a province on my own. I would have not gone back to school or chosen a career that consistently requires me to put myself out there. I would not be doing well in a group home with very high needs adolescent clients.

cuba 2013
Shortly following that fog lifting, I started to try new things. I took a few courses, traveled, exercised, dated. I was constantly surrounded and encouraged by a huge loving community all determined to see me succeed and thrived. I learned to have patience that I never before had, I learned to accept things I couldn't control and worked on myself instead.

Newfoundland 2011

I got a whole new relationship with my children. A deep and loving one. As much as I was picking myself up from the blow, they too were doing so and I witnessed first hand the resiliency among children and I learned how to support them in this. So far, so good, they seem happy, healthy and relatively normal, as normal as little boys get.
Somewhat normal 2013

I sat there today in that office and realized I have a wonderful life. I have love, hope, drive and fun. My needs are simple, my demands are simple. I have confidence in myself beyond what I ever had in my marriage. The reason being is because I survived divorce and lived to tell the tale. I've not only survived, but I've come out of it a better person, a happier person. When I go into a challenging situation, I know I can do it, and if I don't, I can rise from that failure, dust myself off and try again.

Right now a lot of my friends are going through separations, divorces and breakups. I'm not going to tell you its easy, its hell, for a good amount of time there will be plenty of significant challenges thrown at you. You will feel empty, lonely, hurt, sad, bitter, angry and spent. But every challenge you conquer you will gain insight about yourself, and what's more, you will gain power. Yes, you have another even bigger hill to climb, but this time your tank is a little fuller, you're more prepared and have a little more belief in yourself that you will get over it. My friends, you are all beautiful women, strong, stronger than you believe, and if that mousy little thing that used to be me got through this, you too will get through this and chances are, you'll be a far more powerful, sassy and strong version of you.

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