Monday, November 12, 2012

A year? A YEAR???

It's hard to imagine in so many ways that I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for a year now. In some ways, it's just flown by and I've barely noticed, in other ways, it's like we've been together forever because he can take one look at my face and deduce the wheels are turning for good or bad.

How do you summarize a relationship in a blog post? I'm having troubles. Lets put it this way, last November, I kissed a man, someone I instinctually felt safe with, who I knew would never hurt me intentionally. I would always be able to trust him, not from some romantic point of view, but that his character would not allow for him to behaviour dishonourably to me. I knew right away that I wanted to be exclusive with him. I was terrified, absolutely terrified. The last time I had started a relationship, I was 14. I had no self confidence, I was convinced that my lack of self esteem and being on guard would drive him away. I called my mom weekly it seemed in tears telling her I wasn't ready for this. My insecurity led to this need to be reassured constantly. How the man is still sane is a mystery. Being accepted for who I am, neurotic tendencies and all is also strange. The baggage, the insecurities, the swearing, the size 14 body, it's all taken in, along with all the good that is me. And it's not only just words and baubles, its backed up with actions.

Despite all of this, the walls came down. It is a strange thing when logic is telling you to stop being a scared ninny, there is NOTHING to be afraid of, and the scared ninny Joys running around in my head were making more "sky is falling" proclamations than you'd hear at a GOP convention. When my insecurity isn't running this ship, there is little more that I am confident in than his love for me, and my ability to trust him. That in itself is such a strange feeling. While I loved my husband when married, trust was never high, I don't know if that was a self fulfilling prophecy or just my Spidey Sense tingling, but my fears were validated in spades. So being able to trust so completely is very new for me, and insanely new 1 year ago.

He's tall, dark and handsome. He kills bugs and reaches high things. He adores my boys and they adore him. They get jealous when I get to see him and they do not. He's sweet and gentle, we are opposite in so many ways, but somehow being able to cut through all of that to realize that we have the same values, and he has an amazing character that I've yet to hear one person fault him for. Something he is proud of, and should be. Our values are simple, but they are important to us and the fact that we've found someone who shares them is beyond lucky, and I'm forever grateful for that.

I laugh again, I enjoy things I haven't in a long time. I love play fighting, tickling with my mate, I love kissing again, I don't like being in his proximity without being snuggled up to him. He texts me every day we don't see each other just to let me know he's thinking of me, it's a small thing, but I cannot tell you how monumental it is. I don't feel taken for granted. We cook and work together. I learn things from him, he learns things from me. I'm allowed to get sick or have surgery and I'll be shooed to bed, despite my best efforts to take over. We bring out good things in each other, our opposites making influences on our ways of life.We have fun with the kids, they have fun with us. They see me happy again, laughing, being silly, despite being just as exhausted and overstressed as I was when I was married. I'm a different person, a better person, for them and myself and that wouldn't be possible without my boyfriend. This has been a fantastic year, and I cannot wait for the many more to come.


Stacey said...

that is so awesome. I'm happy for you and you do deserve such a great guy and a great relationship. to many more years. :)

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