Tuesday, July 26, 2011

You get what you seek

Are you getting treated like dirt everywhere you go? Is there always some idiot annoying you? Are you having difficulties stepping out of your house without being assaulted by someone trying to cause you offense? Flypaper for freaks? Beacon for bitchiness?

Well, you're either one seriously unlucky individual, or you need to look at the common denominator in this case...which is, you.

That is the hard thing, looking at oneself in the mirror when it comes to trying to figure out why things are so crummy, because it means we've got to take some accountability.

I can tell when I'm in a bad mood, I go out and every little thing people in the grocery store/mall/gas station annoys the hell out of me. I was shopping last night and I swear I was looking to be offended. Normally I'm a live and let live kind of gal. I wasn't always that way. I'd get into snarkfests with random strangers because they were doing something that was a little annoying, but I'd take it up to DEFCON 1 (according to wiki, the accurate use of DEFCON is that it's a countdown, so DEFCON 1 is the most serious. So the movies are all wrong...or wiki-debate anyone?) Anyhow, the point being is, if you are consistently in a shitty or vulnerable or looking to be wounded type of mood, chances are, it's going to happen.

Why are we that way? I think everyone has a period in their life where they are that way. Well, we are feeling vulnerable. We're having a shitty go of it. We're dealing with systematic unfairness. It sucks, I know! However, by being annoyed and hurt by every.single.small.offense. we are drawing our strength from being angry at the small things, instead of finding that inner strength we need to get through what is actually being the hard stuff we have to deal with. Being angry can be useful, it gives us that fire, it draws attention so people can give you a pat on the back for standing up for yourself, but anger is a sprinter, not a long distance runner. Most of the challenges we face in life are marathons and if we spend all our energy up front, we're not going to make it to the finish line in good shape.

Life is not fair, I know, BELIEVE ME, I know. My life has been marked by hard times. Up until this year, the past 5 have been relatively easy. After my seperation hit, I was not only despondent by the events, but I was wondering and angry about the spiritual side of things. I mean "Why me? Haven't I already had a shitload of bad things in my life?" I was in that state a couple of months, til I mentioned it to my therapist, who is very keen on the spiritual side of things. She suggested that as the first part of my life was so hard, the second part of my life with my ex and family was a calming down recovery period from that Godawful hard part, but now it was time to get my butt out of recovery (okay, I'm paraphrasing) and it's time to start with my life. Basically...instead of seeing the bad in this, why not see the opportunity. It's hard seeing opportunity, when you're going through a hard slog, feeling tired, beat up on, or see a big challenge for the next umpteen years, but I do think it's important to start looking for the good things, however small in life EVERYWHERE!

The thing is, if you're constantly going to let life piss you off, beat you up, wound you in every little step, you're not a survivor, you're a victim. A survivor will put their foot down when needed, but will not waste energy on something that might make them wince a little. If you keep adding all the little hurts to your baggage, that's going to be a mighty big load to bear.

I'm not saying don't complain, don't bitch, don't vent. Most of the folks reading are women I suspect, we'd explode if we didn't have our bitching sessions, that said, most of us can also shrug it off too and focus on the gabillion more important things in our lives, and most of us are capable of leaving the house without being hurt by everyone and their mothers. In the words of Great Big Sea:

In this beautiful life, but there's always some sorrow
It's a double-edged knife, but there's always tomorrow
It's up to you now if you sink or swim,
Keep the faith and your ship will come in.
It's not so bad

The responsibility of how happy you are in life is your own. We don't have to be Pollyannish and be a rock, but relatively, compared to about 4 billion other people in this world, we have it pretty good. Sometimes we need to step back and look at the bigger picture and let that inspire us to start looking for the good in life as opposed to the annoying, petty, small offenses that try to wriggle in.


Anonymous said...

Well said Joy! Great advice everyone needs reminding of now and then!

Mom2Michael said...

Well said my friend