Firsts and lasts

Go me! I'm on a roll today. Another thing I've been reflecting a lot on today is firsts and lasts. I was washing my hands this afternoon and for some reason, I started thinking of new years eve, and how this will be my first one ever where I'll be alone. It's such a couples event, and since most of my friends are coupled, well unless Alexander Skarsgaard magically walks into my life and I win him over with my charm and personality, I'm kinda goosed. My youngest is turning 1 in a few short weeks, and it will be the first birthday party, truth be told I'm kind of dreading it. Last year, we were upstairs in my room sharing a new life we brought into the world and a few short months after that everything derailed. Not to mention the party...can you say awkward!

Then about 15 minutes before I started writing this post, I was folding up some suits and shirts that the ex had left behind in the laundry room and thought to myself that this would be the last time I fold his clothes again. I was thinking about when we first started dating, I harassed him for an item of clothing to keep so that I could be reminded of him when we were apart. Us wimminfolk are supposed to have a highly developed sense of smell (that's why we can tell when the yogurt has expired, while the menfolk are shoveling it down their throats) and I wanted that item of clothing so I could smell my ex and be reminded of him. It smelled like his shampoo (Head and Shoulders). Back to now 20 minutes ago, I'm folding up his suits and shirts for the last time and I smelled one...and didn't it smell like Head and Shoulders. Gave me that good little needle in the heart.

That said, a few months ago I would have broken down in a puddle crying. Now, I shed a couple of tears and kept doing my work. Its funny because just when you think you're sailing along divorce being Wonder Woman, hear you roar, you are healed and dancing around to Beyonce's Single Lady, a first or a last comes and sucker punches you. There are going to be many more I'm sure, I guess I just have to rely on the fact that I've climbed up worse valleys and that there are going to be many great firsts. Like my first grown up trip all by myself. I'm half terrified, half excited to be driving around Newfoundland all by my lonesome, or my first tattoo, which I hope will be happening in September.

I guess bottom line is, life is full of surprises, at least I know I'm in for a bumpy ride for the next 2 1/2 years (they say it takes 3 to get over a divorce, I'm counting down the days lol). It's not like this is something new and unique, many people live through divorces and live to tell the tale, they all had to go through this and now its my turn. All I can do I guess is make sure my shocks are in good shape, break pads are new and a hell of a lot of renewable fuel.