It's hard to imagine in so many ways that I've been with my wonderful boyfriend for a year now. In some ways, it's just flown by and I've barely noticed, in other ways, it's like we've been together forever because he can take one look at my face and deduce the wheels are turning for good or bad.
How do you summarize a relationship in a blog post? I'm having troubles. Lets put it this way, last November, I kissed a man, someone I instinctually felt safe with, who I knew would never hurt me intentionally. I would always be able to trust him, not from some romantic point of view, but that his character would not allow for him to behaviour dishonourably to me. I knew right away that I wanted to be exclusive with him. I was terrified, absolutely terrified. The last time I had started a relationship, I was 14. I had no self confidence, I was convinced that my lack of self esteem and being on guard would drive him away. I called my mom weekly it seemed in tears telling her I wasn't ready for this. My insecurity led to this need to be reassured constantly. How the man is still sane is a mystery. Being accepted for who I am, neurotic tendencies and all is also
strange. The baggage, the insecurities, the swearing, the size 14 body,
it's all taken in, along with all the good that is me. And it's not only just words and baubles, its backed up with actions.
Despite all of this, the walls came down. It is a strange thing when logic is telling you to stop being a scared ninny, there is NOTHING to be afraid of, and the scared ninny Joys running around in my head were making more "sky is falling" proclamations than you'd hear at a GOP convention. When my insecurity isn't running this ship, there is little more that I am confident in than his love for me, and my ability to trust him. That in itself is such a strange feeling. While I loved my husband when married, trust was never high, I don't know if that was a self fulfilling prophecy or just my Spidey Sense tingling, but my fears were validated in spades. So being able to trust so completely is very new for me, and insanely new 1 year ago.
He's tall, dark and handsome. He kills bugs and reaches high things. He adores my boys and they adore him. They get jealous when I get to see him and they do not. He's sweet and gentle, we are opposite in
so many ways, but somehow being able to cut through all of that to
realize that we have the same values, and he has an amazing character
that I've yet to hear one person fault him for. Something he is proud of, and should be. Our values are simple, but they are important to us and the fact that we've found someone who shares them is beyond lucky, and I'm forever grateful for that.
I laugh again, I enjoy things I haven't in a long time. I love play fighting, tickling with my mate, I love kissing again, I don't like being in his proximity without being snuggled up to him. He texts me every day we don't see each other just to let me know he's thinking of me, it's a small thing, but I cannot tell you how monumental it is. I don't feel taken for granted. We cook and work together. I learn things from him, he learns things from me. I'm allowed to get sick or have surgery and I'll be shooed to bed, despite my best efforts to take over. We bring out good things in each other, our opposites making influences on our ways of life.We have fun with the kids, they have fun with us. They see me happy again, laughing, being silly, despite being just as exhausted and overstressed as I was when I was married. I'm a different person, a better person, for them and myself and that wouldn't be possible without my boyfriend. This has been a fantastic year, and I cannot wait for the many more to come.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Who are you calling fatass?
Okay, I was called a fatass on the streetcar last week. I promptly filed that under "so important, I forgot about it for 5 days", but it is interesting for social commentary. My English professor, would die if she saw this, because it has a hell of a lot of repetition.
I am a fatass. I'm a size 14, I take up my fair share of space, especially when loaded with a wool winter coat (which is fabulous by the way, EVERYONE loves this coat) and a backpack...not so fabulous, but since Coach doesn't make a backpack to accommodate my schoolwork, I'm SOL. But that isn't what makes me a fatass. What makes me a fatass, is that I'm unapologetic about it.
People in today's society seem to treat plus sized people like we don't deserve space. That since we're fat, it's our own fault and therefore, it sucks to be us. So if we should happen to ask politely that you, yanno actually move out of your aisle seat, so I can vacate mine, without caving your head in from my backpack, basically, you get to call me a fatass under your breath for the inconvenience.
I am at the smaller end of the spectrum of fatasses, so I imagine that in a society where thinner is better, people who aren't, and who have the audacity to think that they are still deserving of respect, are treated pretty shabbily.
I may be a fatass, but I'm a fatass who works and loves hard. This fatass has a legion of awesome friends, all of whom would be willing to smack said woman on the streetcar if I asked. Not everyone has that, not nearly enough people. So essentially, I'm a fatass who is loved. I love people. I like to help people, my life has been spent in social services and being a fatass mother, who has some pretty freaking awesome boys for all my efforts. I'm a fatass who has gone through hell the past two years, and has come out the other side saying "Is that all you got?" As my peers get to know me at school, they are astounded by all I have gone through and still manage to walk on with a smile on my face. Fatass has a great family, the bills paid, food on the table, two awesome cats and amazing hair. I'm a pretty darn smart fatass, or at least my school seems to think so, I'm sitting around a 90% average, and that's after missing 3 weeks of school to take care of a very very sick mother and kids. Fatass also has a fantastic boyfriend, who by the way, loves her fat ass.
But you know what is best about this fatass? I'm a happy fatass. I don't need to call someone a derogatory name based on their body because of a nanosecond of having to move a bit. I don't feel the need to try and shame someone like that. I don't like going out and trying to hurt people and I can't imagine people who do, are very happy people. I'm confident. I'm proud of myself, I may have body image issues, but one thing that is not lacking in my body is strength because it keeps getting up after everyone smackdown. So I'm not going to be ashamed of it. I'm not going to apologize for taking up space, because I'm a good and deserving person, and if that offends you, or somehow threatens you and your very narrow view of body image, what is proper, what is correct for a plus sized woman, well, you know what you can kiss, and lucky for you, I have plenty of it!
I am a fatass. I'm a size 14, I take up my fair share of space, especially when loaded with a wool winter coat (which is fabulous by the way, EVERYONE loves this coat) and a backpack...not so fabulous, but since Coach doesn't make a backpack to accommodate my schoolwork, I'm SOL. But that isn't what makes me a fatass. What makes me a fatass, is that I'm unapologetic about it.
People in today's society seem to treat plus sized people like we don't deserve space. That since we're fat, it's our own fault and therefore, it sucks to be us. So if we should happen to ask politely that you, yanno actually move out of your aisle seat, so I can vacate mine, without caving your head in from my backpack, basically, you get to call me a fatass under your breath for the inconvenience.
I am at the smaller end of the spectrum of fatasses, so I imagine that in a society where thinner is better, people who aren't, and who have the audacity to think that they are still deserving of respect, are treated pretty shabbily.
I may be a fatass, but I'm a fatass who works and loves hard. This fatass has a legion of awesome friends, all of whom would be willing to smack said woman on the streetcar if I asked. Not everyone has that, not nearly enough people. So essentially, I'm a fatass who is loved. I love people. I like to help people, my life has been spent in social services and being a fatass mother, who has some pretty freaking awesome boys for all my efforts. I'm a fatass who has gone through hell the past two years, and has come out the other side saying "Is that all you got?" As my peers get to know me at school, they are astounded by all I have gone through and still manage to walk on with a smile on my face. Fatass has a great family, the bills paid, food on the table, two awesome cats and amazing hair. I'm a pretty darn smart fatass, or at least my school seems to think so, I'm sitting around a 90% average, and that's after missing 3 weeks of school to take care of a very very sick mother and kids. Fatass also has a fantastic boyfriend, who by the way, loves her fat ass.
But you know what is best about this fatass? I'm a happy fatass. I don't need to call someone a derogatory name based on their body because of a nanosecond of having to move a bit. I don't feel the need to try and shame someone like that. I don't like going out and trying to hurt people and I can't imagine people who do, are very happy people. I'm confident. I'm proud of myself, I may have body image issues, but one thing that is not lacking in my body is strength because it keeps getting up after everyone smackdown. So I'm not going to be ashamed of it. I'm not going to apologize for taking up space, because I'm a good and deserving person, and if that offends you, or somehow threatens you and your very narrow view of body image, what is proper, what is correct for a plus sized woman, well, you know what you can kiss, and lucky for you, I have plenty of it!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Can't think of a title
my mom is in the icu, my son is at home with pneumonia. Thankfully he is not in serious condition, though disturbingly lethargic, my mom however is in serious condition.
I'm bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball. I'm nursing my own infection, I try not to touch my mom. The stress kills my appetite and I spend much of the time shaking, whether that is because of low blood sugar or stress, I don't know.
I'm exhausted. I haven't slept a full night in I don't know how long. And when I hit the bed, I'm overcome with emotion and spend another hour crying, feeling guilty, feeling overwhelmed. Last night I had a moment where I was sobbing and mid sob, I just stopped. It was a very strange sense of calmness. It's like part of my brain took over and shut down all emotion.
It's funny, I was fine until my tipping point came in the form of a letter froma professor requiring proof that my mom is in the icu. I lost my shit and just started crying.
I'm angry, I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that this process is taking so long. I hate myself that I can't spend as much time with my son as I want to, as he needs me. I'm angry that the only people here are me and my support. It makes me feel very blessed and very alone at the same time.
I cry when people are kind to me, even the cheerful cashier. I cried when my former inlaws upon hearing showed up at my door rolling up their sleeves to help, despite being seriously germ phobic. I cry when my boyfriend brings me some water, when my bestie sits beside me with my mom knitting. I cry at the sacrifices people have made and are prepared to make.
This is rambling, but I have to get it out. I know it's very self centred, but that is the point. I've gotten a brief moment while my mom is getting an arterial line in because they can no longer draw blood the conventional way. Now it's time to multitask again.
I'm bouncing back and forth like a ping pong ball. I'm nursing my own infection, I try not to touch my mom. The stress kills my appetite and I spend much of the time shaking, whether that is because of low blood sugar or stress, I don't know.
I'm exhausted. I haven't slept a full night in I don't know how long. And when I hit the bed, I'm overcome with emotion and spend another hour crying, feeling guilty, feeling overwhelmed. Last night I had a moment where I was sobbing and mid sob, I just stopped. It was a very strange sense of calmness. It's like part of my brain took over and shut down all emotion.
It's funny, I was fine until my tipping point came in the form of a letter froma professor requiring proof that my mom is in the icu. I lost my shit and just started crying.
I'm angry, I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that this process is taking so long. I hate myself that I can't spend as much time with my son as I want to, as he needs me. I'm angry that the only people here are me and my support. It makes me feel very blessed and very alone at the same time.
I cry when people are kind to me, even the cheerful cashier. I cried when my former inlaws upon hearing showed up at my door rolling up their sleeves to help, despite being seriously germ phobic. I cry when my boyfriend brings me some water, when my bestie sits beside me with my mom knitting. I cry at the sacrifices people have made and are prepared to make.
This is rambling, but I have to get it out. I know it's very self centred, but that is the point. I've gotten a brief moment while my mom is getting an arterial line in because they can no longer draw blood the conventional way. Now it's time to multitask again.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Thou shalt not vote with thy hormones
So if you haven't been paying attention to the news, you're missing some important information that is getting Canadian politics all in a titter. The Liberal party who has been struggling to get an identity, a face, a brand if you will since Chretien is about to get a lifeline. We all knew it was only a matter of time, but the Liberals are about to get an opportunity to elect a leader who promises something that makes Canadian political nerds like me very excited. He promises some very interesting Canadian politics. If you haven't figured it out, or googled it by now, Justin Trudeau is about to announce his intentions to run for Liberal leadership. Now if you're sitting there scratching your head and thinking "uh, so?" then I suggest you first slap yourself and then google Canadian history and previous Prime Ministers.
So, on a completely superficial level, holy moly! What a looker! Think about it Canada, if we were to elect him as Prime Minister, forget any and all great ideas he might have, we'd have the hottest world leader in the world! Possibly history! Seriously!! Okay, well, it is superficial, but lets be honest in this day and age, seeing him as a candidate on the ballot is going to get a lot of people who wouldn't take a second look at politics, take a second look. Which can either be good, or horrifically bad.
Now as you all know, I'm a supporter of the NDP. What I really liked about our late leader Jack Layton was that he engaged everyone and got the NDP to appeal to a new group of voters, which is younger people. Now God willing the NDP can do that again, but I'm not holding my breath. Whereas Jack Layton was a household name whether you were NDP or not, I had to stop and think for a second the name of Thomas Muclair and this is my party. Even though Jack had children who were older than me, he was able to engage a crowd much younger than me, something that older politicians don't seem very capable of these days. I think the last "young" politician elected to lead a party was Pierre Trudeau.
So Trudeau, (Justin) simply by the fact that he is not 50+ will automatically turn some heads of the younger crowd. I think that is a good thing, I mean, the younger crowd should be engaged in politics because it's important to vote and all that, but at this point, I'm happy they come by any way you can get them. It will be great to hear a new round of voices engaged and thinking further into the future than previous politicians (not Jack though lol). So I am truly excited by this. I have to admit, I'm more drawn to a younger leader. I admire the legacy that PET left behind in regards to Canadian human rights and I'm confident that his son believes wholly in them, but I'm also eager to hear things not just about maintaining our country at the status quo, but improving it exponentially because we have that potential. That is what Jack embodied, that is why us younger folks were so excited by him, that is my hopes for Trudeau, if it is, I, and I'm sure many other people who normally vote NDP and are my age might have a bit of a crisis. (This is your warning bell NDP).
And of course if the Liberals did elect Trudeau as their leader (they'd be stupid not to) they certainly would energize a lot of the older voters who are red or orange. God knows my mom is ready to gear up Trudeaumania the Sequel. Really, I think Trudeau is the Liberals best hope and by extension my best hope for getting rid of Stephen Harper and a good chunk of his cabinet (especially those doofuses who are trying to mess with a woman`s right to choose!). It will breathe some much needed life and energy into the Liberal party and I expect there will be plenty of newer and younger faces throwing their names in the hats in the different ridings.
Overall though, Canadian politics are about to get a lot more interesting. I can`t wait to see and hear what will transpire over the next little while and I`ll be counting the days til 2015.
So, on a completely superficial level, holy moly! What a looker! Think about it Canada, if we were to elect him as Prime Minister, forget any and all great ideas he might have, we'd have the hottest world leader in the world! Possibly history! Seriously!! Okay, well, it is superficial, but lets be honest in this day and age, seeing him as a candidate on the ballot is going to get a lot of people who wouldn't take a second look at politics, take a second look. Which can either be good, or horrifically bad.
Now as you all know, I'm a supporter of the NDP. What I really liked about our late leader Jack Layton was that he engaged everyone and got the NDP to appeal to a new group of voters, which is younger people. Now God willing the NDP can do that again, but I'm not holding my breath. Whereas Jack Layton was a household name whether you were NDP or not, I had to stop and think for a second the name of Thomas Muclair and this is my party. Even though Jack had children who were older than me, he was able to engage a crowd much younger than me, something that older politicians don't seem very capable of these days. I think the last "young" politician elected to lead a party was Pierre Trudeau.
So Trudeau, (Justin) simply by the fact that he is not 50+ will automatically turn some heads of the younger crowd. I think that is a good thing, I mean, the younger crowd should be engaged in politics because it's important to vote and all that, but at this point, I'm happy they come by any way you can get them. It will be great to hear a new round of voices engaged and thinking further into the future than previous politicians (not Jack though lol). So I am truly excited by this. I have to admit, I'm more drawn to a younger leader. I admire the legacy that PET left behind in regards to Canadian human rights and I'm confident that his son believes wholly in them, but I'm also eager to hear things not just about maintaining our country at the status quo, but improving it exponentially because we have that potential. That is what Jack embodied, that is why us younger folks were so excited by him, that is my hopes for Trudeau, if it is, I, and I'm sure many other people who normally vote NDP and are my age might have a bit of a crisis. (This is your warning bell NDP).
And of course if the Liberals did elect Trudeau as their leader (they'd be stupid not to) they certainly would energize a lot of the older voters who are red or orange. God knows my mom is ready to gear up Trudeaumania the Sequel. Really, I think Trudeau is the Liberals best hope and by extension my best hope for getting rid of Stephen Harper and a good chunk of his cabinet (especially those doofuses who are trying to mess with a woman`s right to choose!). It will breathe some much needed life and energy into the Liberal party and I expect there will be plenty of newer and younger faces throwing their names in the hats in the different ridings.
Overall though, Canadian politics are about to get a lot more interesting. I can`t wait to see and hear what will transpire over the next little while and I`ll be counting the days til 2015.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Religious rights
Okay, my panties are in a knot again. Seriously, I really, really dislike a huge bunch of religious people. I am religious. I am a Christian. I believe with all my heart that two things Christ has said is what needs to be followed. You've heard me rant about it. One is loving God. Der! Of course. The second is loving others. This is something a whole bunch Christians seem to have problems understanding. For me, it's pretty simple, love others as I would myself. It doesn't mean I have to AGREE with their choices, the life, their fashion sense, their values, the fact that they love cilantro and I think it's vile, but it does mean that I have to give them the same amount of love as I would myself. Now lets be realistic, love for myself means that I'm going to buy myself Coach, I'm not about to do that for a stranger, so lets call it respect.
So, I'm straight. I don't care who anyone else loves so long as its consensual. So if a 90 year old man falls in love with an 18 year old gal, I might raise an eyebrow, but we all agree 18 is old enough for consent and if she's in love with someone old enough to be her great grandfather, well go for it. It wouldn't be MY choice, I might not even agree with it. I might have to be exposed to them kissing, their wedding, the fact that the rights we agreed to as a nation says that they are protected to fall in love and build a life together. I might have to learn that in school, their rights are protected and just because I might not think it's cool, does not make it icky, or gross, or unnatural or immoral and that I don't have the right to treat anyone that way according to those rights afforded them.
Okay....so guess what? All of that, does NOT violate my religious rights. I still have a right to go to church, I have a right to take my kids to church, to indoctrinate and program them as I please. I can teach them nothing but religious stuff from the time they come home til bedtime and so on and so forth. It does not prevent me from thinking that May/September romances are icky. What it does prevent me from doing is violating their rights, but guess what? If loving thy neighbour is demoted to respecting thy neighbour, the Bible itself prevents me from violating their rights.
So what has caused all this ranting? Well for those in my great province of Ontario, there has been some new anti-bullying law which of course affects Ontario's PUBLIC schools. In such it's not okay to be mean to people because of various things, but lets be frank, the hot button issue for religious people is LGBT rights. So of course, in reaction to this law, a bunch of religiously conservative parents have their panties in a knot and are forming groups and writing letters asking that they have the right to be notified and so choose to withdraw their kids from classes if the teachings conflict with their religious views. Here's an article if you want to verify my nutshell.
Some of it includes, sexuality classes, placing environmentalism above religion (ummm, I'm pretty sure in the Bible that we're commanded to take care of the Earth properly-piss poor job we're doing at it, I think environmentalism and religion, much like social justice and religion go hand in hand, but completely different rant...no, wait, I really need to know, how does one put environmentalism above religion? Is there something in the Bible that I'm not aware that says, let's allow Enbridge to destroy Canada? Recycling is unholy? Don't buy a hybrid? ). I can understand about sex ed classes to a degree, many parents want to give it a more personal touch and add a good hit of values along with the raw data around sex ed, fair enough.
But the thing that is really pissing me off about in their standard form letter one of the requests is to be notified if the school plans on discussions or portrayals of homosexual/bisexual conduct and relationships and/or transgenderism as natural, healthy or acceptable.
Acceptable...You know what? You're damn right it acceptable! Because YOU don't happen to agree with it does not make it unhealthy, unnatural or unacceptable. BTW, you cannot bitch about the school teaching evolution and then go on to deem what is natural or unnatural. You don't like homosexuality, I get that, you don't think it's right, fine. But if you are to operate in public society in Canada, and Ontario, you get to operate within the code that we as a democracy decided that these groups have rights, and one of those rights is to not be treated differently or bullied by people who simply disagree with the way they live life. If you are attending a PUBLIC school, you get the privilege of education without the private school rates, but you also have the responsibility of treating people with respect. Thinking that someone is unhealthy, unnatural or unacceptable is not very respectful. If I were to say that about any of these groups railing about their rights, they'd be the first hopping up and down.
That said though, back to the Bible, if loving thy neighbour is simply about respect, you're getting a one giant fail. You might have been able to escape the bulk of my wrath if you just stopped about teaching the kids about homosexuality period. But to label it as something unnatural/unhealthy/unacceptable, you have shown your colours and your values, and while I cannot impede upon your rights, and I won't, I can say that I don't like your values, they're disrespectful and if you're Christian (not purposely excluding other religions, just speaking to what I know) to me, you're totally missing the mark of loving others as you would yourself.
As someone with children in PUBLIC school, I'm putting you on notice, I will be fighting to protect the rights of mine and other children. If you try to impede on them with bullying, lack of respect or whathaveyou in my vicinity, you're on notice, I'm going to be there. I'm sending my kids to a PUBLIC school so they can learn about diversity, respect, other points of view and learn to disagree without disvaluing (new word) them as a person for how they are WIRED (in caps in case anyone still thinks sexuality is a choice). My job in the home is to teach them values, which usually falls in line with my religion. My job as a parent is to instill good values in them that can withstand the mere introduction of another way or life or point of view. If I have to shield my kids from the fact that some people think treating LGBT people different is okay, I'm not doing my job. Because chances are, they are going to come across people who thinks its okay to treat others differently, meanly even based on their race, sex, gender, class, ability, language, nationality, sexuality and even religion, and I have to do my job in instilling values that it's not okay to do that. Exposing my kids to values other than my own based on my religion is NOT a violation of my religious rights, it's life as we know it in a very diverse community. Do not fall into the simplistic thinking that you have a right to be shielded in public from other people, that is not a right and it sure as hell isn't a right that supercedes the rights of others to simply exist and be treated the same as you or any other human in school, work, city, province, country.
So, I'm straight. I don't care who anyone else loves so long as its consensual. So if a 90 year old man falls in love with an 18 year old gal, I might raise an eyebrow, but we all agree 18 is old enough for consent and if she's in love with someone old enough to be her great grandfather, well go for it. It wouldn't be MY choice, I might not even agree with it. I might have to be exposed to them kissing, their wedding, the fact that the rights we agreed to as a nation says that they are protected to fall in love and build a life together. I might have to learn that in school, their rights are protected and just because I might not think it's cool, does not make it icky, or gross, or unnatural or immoral and that I don't have the right to treat anyone that way according to those rights afforded them.
Okay....so guess what? All of that, does NOT violate my religious rights. I still have a right to go to church, I have a right to take my kids to church, to indoctrinate and program them as I please. I can teach them nothing but religious stuff from the time they come home til bedtime and so on and so forth. It does not prevent me from thinking that May/September romances are icky. What it does prevent me from doing is violating their rights, but guess what? If loving thy neighbour is demoted to respecting thy neighbour, the Bible itself prevents me from violating their rights.
So what has caused all this ranting? Well for those in my great province of Ontario, there has been some new anti-bullying law which of course affects Ontario's PUBLIC schools. In such it's not okay to be mean to people because of various things, but lets be frank, the hot button issue for religious people is LGBT rights. So of course, in reaction to this law, a bunch of religiously conservative parents have their panties in a knot and are forming groups and writing letters asking that they have the right to be notified and so choose to withdraw their kids from classes if the teachings conflict with their religious views. Here's an article if you want to verify my nutshell.
Some of it includes, sexuality classes, placing environmentalism above religion (ummm, I'm pretty sure in the Bible that we're commanded to take care of the Earth properly-piss poor job we're doing at it, I think environmentalism and religion, much like social justice and religion go hand in hand, but completely different rant...no, wait, I really need to know, how does one put environmentalism above religion? Is there something in the Bible that I'm not aware that says, let's allow Enbridge to destroy Canada? Recycling is unholy? Don't buy a hybrid? ). I can understand about sex ed classes to a degree, many parents want to give it a more personal touch and add a good hit of values along with the raw data around sex ed, fair enough.
But the thing that is really pissing me off about in their standard form letter one of the requests is to be notified if the school plans on discussions or portrayals of homosexual/bisexual conduct and relationships and/or transgenderism as natural, healthy or acceptable.
Acceptable...You know what? You're damn right it acceptable! Because YOU don't happen to agree with it does not make it unhealthy, unnatural or unacceptable. BTW, you cannot bitch about the school teaching evolution and then go on to deem what is natural or unnatural. You don't like homosexuality, I get that, you don't think it's right, fine. But if you are to operate in public society in Canada, and Ontario, you get to operate within the code that we as a democracy decided that these groups have rights, and one of those rights is to not be treated differently or bullied by people who simply disagree with the way they live life. If you are attending a PUBLIC school, you get the privilege of education without the private school rates, but you also have the responsibility of treating people with respect. Thinking that someone is unhealthy, unnatural or unacceptable is not very respectful. If I were to say that about any of these groups railing about their rights, they'd be the first hopping up and down.
That said though, back to the Bible, if loving thy neighbour is simply about respect, you're getting a one giant fail. You might have been able to escape the bulk of my wrath if you just stopped about teaching the kids about homosexuality period. But to label it as something unnatural/unhealthy/unacceptable, you have shown your colours and your values, and while I cannot impede upon your rights, and I won't, I can say that I don't like your values, they're disrespectful and if you're Christian (not purposely excluding other religions, just speaking to what I know) to me, you're totally missing the mark of loving others as you would yourself.
As someone with children in PUBLIC school, I'm putting you on notice, I will be fighting to protect the rights of mine and other children. If you try to impede on them with bullying, lack of respect or whathaveyou in my vicinity, you're on notice, I'm going to be there. I'm sending my kids to a PUBLIC school so they can learn about diversity, respect, other points of view and learn to disagree without disvaluing (new word) them as a person for how they are WIRED (in caps in case anyone still thinks sexuality is a choice). My job in the home is to teach them values, which usually falls in line with my religion. My job as a parent is to instill good values in them that can withstand the mere introduction of another way or life or point of view. If I have to shield my kids from the fact that some people think treating LGBT people different is okay, I'm not doing my job. Because chances are, they are going to come across people who thinks its okay to treat others differently, meanly even based on their race, sex, gender, class, ability, language, nationality, sexuality and even religion, and I have to do my job in instilling values that it's not okay to do that. Exposing my kids to values other than my own based on my religion is NOT a violation of my religious rights, it's life as we know it in a very diverse community. Do not fall into the simplistic thinking that you have a right to be shielded in public from other people, that is not a right and it sure as hell isn't a right that supercedes the rights of others to simply exist and be treated the same as you or any other human in school, work, city, province, country.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Pass it on
I went out last night with my boyfriend...beau...honey. I'm having a hard time finding an appropriate word for him, boyfriend sounds so 13, beau sounds like something out of a bad novel, honey sounds way too cute, what is the appropriate terminology to use for your partner (which sounds so politically correct, there's nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't feel very intimate either) when you're an adult that doesn't make you sound like a teenager or a Harlequin? Anyhow, side rant done, we went up to a small town of his youth to listen to his cousin's band play. As usual, I got gussied up and we set off.
Now personally, I don't really believe all that hype that people from small towns are friendlier. I mean maybe they are, but when you stick out like a sore thumb as I always seem to do, I haven't received treatment much different than the anonymous living of the big city. That said, last night, folks were awesome. I received compliments from 4 different women, complete strangers about my appearance. I don't usually feel all that good about my appearance. I put a lot of effort towards it, but it's a fake it so I can make it sort of thing. It's getting better, I just have a lot of deprogramming to do. Anyhow, the compliments, they were totally out of nowhere and they were sweet and they made me feel extra good about myself. Now outside of my boyfriend, somehow compliments from men does not seem the same. I've only received one in the past year from a stranger that didn't feel like it was loaded with something else other than goodwill, I dunno, compliments from women, just carry a different meaning for me.
So I got to thinking, why don't we do that more? I mean, there are a million times a day when I notice something about another woman that I like. Her hair, her tattoos, her purse. I mean, they're superficial things, but sometimes that superficial boost can mean a bit if you're feeling a little awkward or not as super awesome as usual. And really, like giving presents, is there nothing better than to see someone made spontaneously happy? Yeah, sure, I bet some gals will think I'm a weirdo, but what harm is that to me? So I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going start paying genuine compliments to random strangers if time and space allows. See what happens? I'm sure I'll feel better if they are pleased, and I hope they will, and maybe that whole butterfly flapping their wings across the ocean, make it will be paid forward and so on and so forth. It's worth a shot.
Now personally, I don't really believe all that hype that people from small towns are friendlier. I mean maybe they are, but when you stick out like a sore thumb as I always seem to do, I haven't received treatment much different than the anonymous living of the big city. That said, last night, folks were awesome. I received compliments from 4 different women, complete strangers about my appearance. I don't usually feel all that good about my appearance. I put a lot of effort towards it, but it's a fake it so I can make it sort of thing. It's getting better, I just have a lot of deprogramming to do. Anyhow, the compliments, they were totally out of nowhere and they were sweet and they made me feel extra good about myself. Now outside of my boyfriend, somehow compliments from men does not seem the same. I've only received one in the past year from a stranger that didn't feel like it was loaded with something else other than goodwill, I dunno, compliments from women, just carry a different meaning for me.
So I got to thinking, why don't we do that more? I mean, there are a million times a day when I notice something about another woman that I like. Her hair, her tattoos, her purse. I mean, they're superficial things, but sometimes that superficial boost can mean a bit if you're feeling a little awkward or not as super awesome as usual. And really, like giving presents, is there nothing better than to see someone made spontaneously happy? Yeah, sure, I bet some gals will think I'm a weirdo, but what harm is that to me? So I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going start paying genuine compliments to random strangers if time and space allows. See what happens? I'm sure I'll feel better if they are pleased, and I hope they will, and maybe that whole butterfly flapping their wings across the ocean, make it will be paid forward and so on and so forth. It's worth a shot.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Transitions
Well the good news is, I'll be starting school fulltime in September. The bad news is...well I don't think there is bad news, maybe packed lunches, but I'll be on a path towards a new life, new career. I'm supported by wonderful people, looking forward to learning and applying myself and lunches with the gals now that I'm downtown.
It does require a change though. September is full of them and though I've been baptized by fire in learning how to navigate change, it still makes me anxious. The biggest change would be having my kids spend an extra night at their fathers and not being a stay at home mother anymore. I don't like being away from my kids. Well, I like the break, the sleeping in, the freedom to make something filled with mushrooms for dinner and not hearing complaints, but I think like most mothers, they want their chicks close by. It hurts looking into their rooms and seeing empty beds at times, sending them off, kissing their cheeks and knowing I'm not going to hear about their days or see their silly antics. I don't like missing out on parts of their lives, and filling in the rest, well there never really seems to be enough time.
I'm hoping school will keep me busy enough to distract me from their absence. It's also a significant change in my identity. Being a mother will no longer be my only responsibility. It will be my main responsibility, but I'll have papers, placements and jobs to tend to. I'm pretty excited looking forward to it as I've always been a hard worker and good student, but scared would also be a good word to use too.
I have had to change a lot over these past 18+ months. I recently made an impression on someone who got to meet me at the start of my separation. Everyone tells me I have changed, but I remember my interactions with that person very vividly and so did she. After hearing me express myself in a very passionate, but controlled and assertive way, she congratulated me on coming so far. I was so passive once upon a time, a person lost in their marriage and kids. It was safe there, no risks really...well, none that I knew of. LOL To see me then and now, there are two different people and that interaction really drove it home for me.
I look different, carry myself differently, assert myself, pursue, challenge and persevere now. While I still feel that person tug back at me frightened every time I have to go and knock some heads, I still have to go and knock some heads and am starting to get pretty good at it. Had I not done that last week, I wouldn't be preparing for school this week.
So hopefully, the transition from strictly mother to Supermother will go a little more easily than I anticipate. It's another step forward, a positive one for sure, a big one. The same person who had congratulated me, told me a while back that this is a good thing, that I was giving my kids a mother who had a little something going for her, who had more depth and a life of her own. I took that to heart. I'm not saying being a stay at home mom doesn't give other people that, but its not enough for me anymore. It was a wonderful time and I do hope in the future to have a job where I can still spend oodles of time with my kids, but they also need a mother who has a fulfilling purpose in life. Again, not saying that that excludes SAHMs, but I want something different now.
So wish me luck, watch out for me in downtown Toronto, I'll be the one with fabulous hair, a Coach satchel, school books, a chai latte, and likely running late for class.
It does require a change though. September is full of them and though I've been baptized by fire in learning how to navigate change, it still makes me anxious. The biggest change would be having my kids spend an extra night at their fathers and not being a stay at home mother anymore. I don't like being away from my kids. Well, I like the break, the sleeping in, the freedom to make something filled with mushrooms for dinner and not hearing complaints, but I think like most mothers, they want their chicks close by. It hurts looking into their rooms and seeing empty beds at times, sending them off, kissing their cheeks and knowing I'm not going to hear about their days or see their silly antics. I don't like missing out on parts of their lives, and filling in the rest, well there never really seems to be enough time.
I'm hoping school will keep me busy enough to distract me from their absence. It's also a significant change in my identity. Being a mother will no longer be my only responsibility. It will be my main responsibility, but I'll have papers, placements and jobs to tend to. I'm pretty excited looking forward to it as I've always been a hard worker and good student, but scared would also be a good word to use too.
I have had to change a lot over these past 18+ months. I recently made an impression on someone who got to meet me at the start of my separation. Everyone tells me I have changed, but I remember my interactions with that person very vividly and so did she. After hearing me express myself in a very passionate, but controlled and assertive way, she congratulated me on coming so far. I was so passive once upon a time, a person lost in their marriage and kids. It was safe there, no risks really...well, none that I knew of. LOL To see me then and now, there are two different people and that interaction really drove it home for me.
I look different, carry myself differently, assert myself, pursue, challenge and persevere now. While I still feel that person tug back at me frightened every time I have to go and knock some heads, I still have to go and knock some heads and am starting to get pretty good at it. Had I not done that last week, I wouldn't be preparing for school this week.
So hopefully, the transition from strictly mother to Supermother will go a little more easily than I anticipate. It's another step forward, a positive one for sure, a big one. The same person who had congratulated me, told me a while back that this is a good thing, that I was giving my kids a mother who had a little something going for her, who had more depth and a life of her own. I took that to heart. I'm not saying being a stay at home mom doesn't give other people that, but its not enough for me anymore. It was a wonderful time and I do hope in the future to have a job where I can still spend oodles of time with my kids, but they also need a mother who has a fulfilling purpose in life. Again, not saying that that excludes SAHMs, but I want something different now.
So wish me luck, watch out for me in downtown Toronto, I'll be the one with fabulous hair, a Coach satchel, school books, a chai latte, and likely running late for class.
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